


We Must Be Better

by queensguardian



Series: All For The Game Musings [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew and Neil talk to Nicky, Consent, M/M, discussions of consent, talking about emotions like adults imagine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 08:50:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15991820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queensguardian/pseuds/queensguardian
Summary: Andrew and Neil have a necessary conversation with Nicky.





	We Must Be Better

**Author's Note:**

> **THIS IS A PART 2. I should have posted it as a second chapter but too late now ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I strongly suggest you go back and read part 1 first!!**

  
Nicky Hemmick knew he’d fucked up. That night, after watching Andrew’s face when he’d found out about the kisses, and Neil’s face reacting to the knowledge that Andrew hadn’t known about them, Nicky lay on the couch in Aaron and Matt’s room and breathed in the dark.

To tell the truth, he hadn’t really given much thought to the kisses. He’d been drunk and high too, and Andrew had told him and Aaron to make sure Neil took the crackers.

A year ago, Nicky wouldn’t have seen a problem with his actions. Sure, he might have felt a little guilty about drugging Neil, but Andrew had told them it was necessary, and Nicky did what Andrew told him to.

Nicky was silly. He was loud and rambunctious and flirtatious. But he was also loyal, and protective of his cousins who had been through so much. And even before he’d known about the full extent of Andrew’s trauma, it was obvious that he’d gone through a lot.

So now that he did know, and now that he knew Neil, he did some reflecting.

It was still raining outside, reminding Nicky of the way it’d been pounding earlier when Neil had made that comment so thoughtlessly, so casually, not quite able to keep the slight bitterness out of his tone.

Nicky’s eyes had immediately slid to Andrew’s face, before Neil had even finished his sentence. It was automatic, at this point, to look to Andrew. Andrew’s reaction was often the key indicator of how a conversation was going to go, regardless of the topic.

This particular time, however, Nicky wished he hadn’t seen. Andrew’s face had been as neutral as ever to the untrained eyes, but Nicky was not untrained. He knew Andrew’s tells; the way he had a hand gently resting on Neil’s shin, looking protectively around the room. The way he’d been relaxing against the wall, the tension gone from his shoulders and hand loosely holding his mug of hot chocolate. The way his cheeks were rosy from the cold, making him look younger than he was.

As soon as Neil had spoken, that vanished. Despite the cold, the color seemed to drain from Andrew’s face. His eyes turned sharp and cold, as he met Nicky’s eyes. His mouth had thinned, and Nicky could practically see the gears turning in his mind, as he quickly analyzed the possible times Nicky could have kissed Neil and coming to the worst (and correct) conclusion.

Nicky watched as Andrew turned back into that distrusting, hard man, who’d had to turn to cold apathy in order to survive, and he hated it. Worse, he’d watched as Neil turned confused eyes to Andrew only to draw in a sharp breath and gasp out his surprise.

That made Nicky feel more guilty than almost anything else. That by his actions he’d made Neil felt that Andrew would have ever approved of something like that.  
Nicky rolled onto his side into the couch, and if he’d had any tears left to cry they would be staining his cheeks now.

Nicky Hemmick had never really had to think about consent. It wasn’t like he’d ever purposefully violate someone, but growing up his only sexual and romantic experiences had been amazingly consentual on both sides. He’d never had someone want to say no before while they were together. He’d never known someone who’d had bad experiences with consent (probably not true, now that he was thinking about it), and he’d never needed to watch himself. He'd never had to think about how his actions could negatively impact someone that way, or had to think about how their actions could negatively impact him.

But Andrew had.

And Neil had.

And now Nicky did.

#

The next day, Nicky was up and out of the dorm room before dawn. Usually it was Neil’s thing to go out for a run, but Nicky needed the distraction, and he was sick of hanging around the dorm.

He’d only run for a couple miles when he got the text.

 _Baby Fox #10_ : _Can you meet Andrew and me to talk? Maybe at the park?_

Nicky slowed to a halt, swallowing before replying with shaking hands.

_Me: Now good?_

_Baby Fox #10: See you soon_

Nicky took a steadying breath and headed to the park.

Andrew and Neil were already there when he arrived, making him wonder how long they’d been there. They were sitting at a park table, holding hands, and wearing fluffy coats and scarfs to guard against the chill from the previous night’s rain.

Nicky approached the table, sitting cautiously across from them and avoiding Andrew’s eyes.

After a moment, Andrew cleared his throat and Nicky’s eyes snapped to his in surprise. Nicky didn’t think Andrew would want to talk to him.

“We need to talk about a few things.” Andrew stopped for a moment, and Nicky said nothing, waiting. He knew better than to interrupt. “Because this isn’t ok.”

Neil squeezed Andrew’s mittened hand and licked his lips. “Look, Nicky. We need to talk about what happened. Obviously. I don’t think any of us really want to, but.”

Nicky nodded at Neil’s wordless gesturing. “I know. Look, I’ve been thinking about it all night. I need you to know, Neil. I’m sorry. Really. Not just because Andrew found out—“ Andrew scowled at this. “—but because what I did was wrong. I know that now. And just because I was drunk was no excuse.”

“You’ve had to think about it all night?” Andrew’s voice was a little cruel, and Nicky winced. “I’m so sorry. How horrible for you. Not like Neil’s had to think about this for months. Not like you’d even doubted your actions until yesterday.”

Neil’s jaw clenched, and Nicky knew that Andrew was speaking the truth, even if he was letting personal experience color his tone.

“Look, Nicky. That’s what we need to talk about. What you did wasn’t ok. I know you agreed to make me take the drugs. And I know you thought you didn’t have a choice. But we all have choices. And I think you fucked up.”

Nicky felt his eyes well up with tears and he blinked them away furiously. He wouldn’t make this about himself any more than it already was. He nodded, unable to get any words past his throat.

“But,” Neil’s eyes softened. “I forgave you a long time ago. You... You’re my family, Nicky. You and the rest of the Foxes. We’re a fucked up family, but it’s still better than anything I’ve ever had before.”

Tears did spill from Nicky’s eyes now. He hadn’t realized how much he’d needed Neil’s forgiveness, and it amazed him how someone who had been through so much could continue to react with such softness. He wiped at his eyes, sniffing a little, until Andrew stirred in his peripheral.

“You kissed him because I told you to give him the drugs.” Andrew’s voice was flat, but his hand clenched in Neil’s and his eyes stayed resolutely on Nicky’s face. He was angry, but there was something else there too. Maybe guilt.  “You did that because I made you feel like you didn’t have a choice.”

“Oh Andrew. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know that,” Andrew snapped. “But you do not bear the only responsibility. It doesn’t excuse you from your behavior. You made your own stupid choices.”

Nicky nodded again, folding his arms around his torso both against the cold and Andrew’s words.

“We just,” Neil spoke up again, sounding stronger and speaking with conviction. “We have to be better than they are. We can’t continue the cycle.”

“We will be. You both have to know—I won’t. Not ever again, not to anyone else. I didn’t...I’m not trying to defend my actions, just give a reason. I didn’t know. But I do now. I can’t apologize enough. I know it doesn’t make a difference, and it’s too late for my apologies, but for what it’s worth, I am. Sorry. And I know better now.”

“It’s never too late to apologize,” Neil said softly.

Andrew looked like he disagreed strongly, but he didn’t say anything.

They sat in the freezing morning, birds chirping in the early morning and the smell of rain still on the air. Nicky felt like an infection had been excised. He still felt the heavy guilt of his actions, but something about the morning felt, lighter.

“Well, we’re going to get breakfast,” Neil said, climbing out of his seat at the table.

Andrew followed him up, eyes meeting Nicky’s once more. His face was calm, but a little of the anger lingered. “Nicky. I’m going to need some time.”

They walked away, but Nicky wasn’t upset. If anything, he thought this had gone better than he could ever have imagined.

In the early morning, as he sat at that park table and thought about his family, he thought not for the first time how much better off they all were with Neil in their lives. It would be a good day.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Nicky. He is amazing, and everyone (esp the twins) would be lost without him. But he also seriously messed up. And he never addresses it in the series. I know Nora said that Andrew would never forgive Nicky if he found out, but it’s my fic and i make the rules .  
> Also I am a sap, as always.


End file.
